lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
