Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
