hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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