Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
