What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
