hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
