I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
