dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
