you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you inspire me to be a worse person
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
