We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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