So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
