I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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