Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
