You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
