my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
