Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
