I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
