After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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