i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
