yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
