i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
