I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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