he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
