i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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