I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
