all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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