Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
