I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think my moral compass just broke
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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