My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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