why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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