Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
