Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
