i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
