you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
