I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
