If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
