We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
