actually, I'm a sock model
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
