Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
