If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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