I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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