my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
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Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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