I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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