I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
