can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
