At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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