where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
