I heard we made out
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
