Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
