he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We smell like vodka and hangover
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