If you die in college, do you die in real life?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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