Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
