after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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