Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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