You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
