i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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