Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
