Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
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I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
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Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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