Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
