Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My life is pants optional.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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