Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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