why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
