when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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