Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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