im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
