those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
