apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
