just tell him i said nine months
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
