Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
