What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
