he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize