hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
