i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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