Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
