that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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