ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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