please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
